You rule.

*raises glass*

I have this theory that scarcity as we experience it in today’s world is a myth. Yes, there is poverty and hunger and need, but not because there is not enough to go around, but because it’s not going around. And the idea that there isn’t enough and we must fight for scraps exists because it keeps those with less from seeing one another as allies.

I may have gone off on a tangent a bit…anyway, thank you for your thought provoking and honest writing.

One of the best lines I’ve ever read. Amen.

Apparently my comment was too short to post.

Let’s try again.

“…having money and having enough feels wrong when others have little. So much so that I was actually resisting abundance in my life.”

This resonates with me SO FUCKING MUCH. I’ve actively and unconsciously resisted abundance my entire life afraid that any abundance I might accrue would always be tainted by the privilege inherent in who I was, that I was powerless to eradicate, and therefore be a reflection of the kind of stereotype I was afraid of becoming, rather than embracing the abundance and using it to shape the world that I wanted to see. This has deep codependent roots, and starts with not trusting myself to take care of myself, much less other people, and therefore not trusting myself to do the right thing (or enough of the right thing) with the power that seemed inherent to my privilege.

What I was able to realize once I was able to see the third path, once I’d gone through the excruciating impromptu ritual of escaping the darkness, is that running from privilege is an abuse of privilege, and it reminded me of the Tears for Fears lyric, “Power now is all the rage, Don’t excuse it, use it well.” All those things you list are powerful ways of resisting the darkness and changing the world, and it’s very difficult for me on the nights when I lose my sense of scale and proportion completely, unable to see the fruits of the actions I’m making. The darkness demands proof of my goodness, and that’s difficult to find sometimes in the way that it demands, but the measure of my goodness can’t be evaluated in a concrete way.

One of the things that I didn’t write about because it felt slightly distracting is that fear of abundance through privilege ignores so much grace and love. Refusing the help of people who love me simply because I want to do it all myself in some short-sighted attempt to negate something real or imagined also eradicates the grace and love that exist in the world, and nullifies the power and beauty of generosity of those around me, which transmutes the act of running from privilege from one of positive rejection of -isms to one of negative power of selfishness.

Thanks again for keeping the conversation rolling!

A.

I think a lot about privilege, as you probably know, and it is super hard to sit with the idea of one’s own privilege, i.e. that what one is and has was not earned on one’s merits, may even have been gained at others’ detriment. To sit with that and yet sit in pride for who I am and what I have accomplished. And to still honor my own struggle, even though I know others have it much harder. I cannot be but me, I did not choose to be born with the privilege I enjoy. It has been a huge issue for me this year as I’ve struggled with poverty and an educated person’s sense of entitlement–but also realizing that I feel that having money and having enough feels wrong when others have little. So much so that I was actually resisting abundance in my life.

I try to realize that it doesn’t help others for me to be poor and powerless. The balance for me is to speak out against oppression whenever I can and to ally myself with less privileged viewpoints and movements, to boost their signal. This is one way of fighting the darkness, but I think there are many ways, and bringing music and beauty and poetry and joy is another, raising children in love and respect is another, simply not giving in and dancing in the face of apocalypse is one too, an important one. I raise my glass to you my friend, and say that the darkness of the world is only matched by the light of the love in it.

Thanks for your honesty. I’m oddly encouraged by your discomfort, since it means that my writing is touching a nerve.

A.

Thank you for sharing.

*Hugs*